For me, mental health, like physical health, is something I need to work at. For a long time in my youth, I figured my mental state was beyond my control. My mind was just the way it was, I assumed, my cross to bear and something I just had to live with. I thought that battling with one's mind was just a normal part of everyday life. I had an internal struggle with a brain that was not user-friendly. It was a continuous process, a series of long dark tunnels with brief respites of light; nothing to be done but hang tough. It took me many years, too long, to realize that there is help out there if you suffer from mental illness. You alone can't think your way out of bad mental health in many cases; it is like a junkie trying to cure their addiction with drugs.
The thing about just trucking along and not dealing with the root of a problem is that even though you feel like you are getting somewhere, you are not essentially moving at all. You can't run from yourself. Things don't get better when you don't deal with them. Often times they do get worse.
I was always a little suspicious of the value of therapists. I had been made to attend sessions as a child and teenager. My motivation back then was to get out of the room as quickly as possible. I just told the counselors what I knew they wanted to hear. I put on a pretense of being together and emotionally well-balanced. I feel I did a pretty good job minimizing my time spent in therapy. I hated the fact that people thought there was something wrong with me. When I began to experience a rather intense level of depression in my early twenties, it occurred to me that perhaps there was something not quite right, not altogether healthy with my state of mind. I was desperate for some relief. I reached out for some help. This was me trying to help myself. It began a process of discovery and slow healing that gave me a better understanding of my mental health and an appreciation of therapy.
I have been to various therapists throughout the years. My experience with them has always been a valuable one of learning. I like to say that the crazier I realize I am, the saner I feel. It sounds like a glib sound byte, but it does have some validity. As I began to pay less attention to my thoughts and my ego. I began to feel happier. Having someone to bounce off your ideas about love, life, social media addictions, and all the first-class nonsense that emanates from my brain helps. It is kind of like a dream come true that there is someone whose job is to listen intently to whatever comes out of my mouth. Sometimes takes me a while to sift through the denial, but as I peel back layers of false projections and notions of identity that are mostly fiction, the simple truth of being and feeling and discovering a real sense of self-esteem is uplifting.
I think everyone should have a personal trainer and a therapist. In this day and age, our egos and minds are revered as our identity. It appears to me now that believing your thoughts is a good definition of madness. I realized that thoughts are not reality sometime in my early thirties (I'm a slow learner.) It was a real moment of clarity for me. The more you can vocalize what is eating at you to someone, the closer you get to digesting your truth. To have a person help you identify the triggers that lead you into a murky world of irrational judgment is an incredible luxury. To have an impartial other to listen to you and give you a more objective perspective on yourself works. It can only be good for you. Regardless of your opinion on the different schools of psychological thought, therapy is a massage for your brain. I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to spend many hours boring the hell out of therapists listening to me talk and talk and talk some more about all my less than fascinating ticks. Learning to love me is understanding those parts that need loving the most. We need a healing hand to help us care for the pain we hide inside. Next time you feel like treating yourself, give your mind a pedicure, visit a therapist and love yourself a little more.
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